Last night was a doozie.
It was getting late and we had finished dinner and cleaned up. The lights were low and it was time to head upstairs for a bath. Finally, a reprieve was coming.
My eldest son, Finn, was laying on the floor underneath our dining room table, wailing. Big alligator tears streaming down his face.
I knew the problem and I wasn't going to give in.
"Finn, it's late and you're tired. Come on over here and I'll carry you up."
More wailing.
At a moment like this, most parents would give in. I wouldn't blame them either. All he wanted was to eat more. The problem was that I knew what it would do, as it had in the past many times, to his already slow moving digestive tract.
Just moments before, he had quickly polished off a hamburger, celery and hummus, a full glass of coconut milk, ants on a log, chunks of Vegan cheese, and handfuls of sliced grapes. Did he even chew the grapes? It was too fast to tell. Now he wanted a chocolate donut.
I knew the crying wouldn't stop. In his mind, he needed to eat. Constantly. After all, it was the only thing that made him feel less anxious.
Moments earlier, before the wailing, he asked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, to which I replied a simple, "no."
I started to begin explaining to him how being hungry and feeling the need to eat could be two completely separate things. Let me tell you, this new concept wasn't well received.
"How can my brain be telling me I need to eat and my tummy be full? How is that right, mom!?" he gasped, completely upset at me for bringing this to his attention. I could tell he understood what I was trying to point out, and it wasn't comfortable.
"I don't know, honey. I just think you use food to try and feel better, and sometimes thats not the best answer for your health," I said in the most comforting tone I could muster.
He wasn't pleased. "Mom, you eat ALL the time. Why aren't you taking a break!? This is NOT fair. You are NOT listening to your tummy! You are not being fair to me," he said crawling underneath the dining room table and letting out his first of many long and deep wails.
Ouch. Truth in his words rang loud and clear. I felt anxious often and food was the only distraction that worked. He was right. But how? How could I curve this tendency, and had I unintentionally passed it onto him?
Food, we need to talk.
Listen, I understand that you're here to nourish my little guy, and help him grow. I am beyond grateful for your purpose.
But why is it, that at 8pm on Friday night, you are still trying to get into my baby's system?
Why is it that when we enter a Publix he is instantly triggered to ask for you? And the most unhealthy version of you at that?
Why is is that if he is sad or mad or even just bored, he thinks of you first?
And why do I feel the same way, too?
Food, what's your purpose?
Is it to make us feel better, emotionally? Is it to make us happy? Is it to give us comfort? And how do I know that I can trust you? How do I know that you're really good for my baby boy?
If you find yourself eating for emotion- or stress-related reasons, how can you stop? Last night's upset really got me thinking.
For starters, I had to ask these three questions:
The answers to these questions should give you some insight into the circumstances that lead us all to emotional eating. Of course, the bigger concern is how to stop.To me, it seems to boil down to this:
If I am or my son is using food as a coping mechanism, I need to find another, more productive way to cope.
After some research and personal heart-to-hearts, here are some steps I am planning to following as I approach our unhealthy food tendencies.
1. Be honest with yourself or your child.
2. Bite Your Tongue
3. Identify the Social and Environmental Triggers that Lead to Over-Eating.
4. Be a Brilliant Role Model
5. Make a Plan.
6. Be Real.
I'm keeping it to the brass tacks and encouraging a positive approach that includes structure, routines, timing and limit setting. (For both myself and my child!)
I hope to help my children and ourselves learn to expect those items and, in return, feel more relaxed. If I can provide a safe environment to learn about self regulation, the rewards will far outweigh the effort it took.
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